ten things i love about being in america (albeit temporarily)
10) PEOPLE HOLD THE DOOR OPEN FOR ME
9) people wait for me to cross the street instead of treating me as a moving target
8) milk. and cheese. and ice cream.
7) the einstein's bagel guy
6) my dog charlie looks like a meathead bodybuilder. big body. tiny head.
5) non-fat no whip soy milk mocha frappa whatever. i have no clue what these people are talking about. but its pretty
4) CELL PHONES that dial people in america
3) televangelists
2) ohhh lactose intolerance
Saturday, December 13, 2008
Friday, October 3, 2008
out of africa... into liederhosen?
i have so much to say about this tribe called oktoberfest, but it will have to wait until i am not on a 15 minute time line of restrictions in the abu dhabi airport. so why did i even begin this? why not.
Wednesday, September 17, 2008
We are the champions, my friends
Chapter One: Show me the money, son.
I've been down in Maseru three times in the past three weeks, which, if you are a math major like myself, evens out to once a week. The HIV/AIDS support group that I have been helping out with in my old village (would we call it helping? I like to smile alot and pretend i have been working on my sesotho. thank the lord for dimples and a blank stare) but i helped them write a grant from the US Embassy to get money so they can buy laying hens and start an egg business, selling to the local primary schools. With the money they raise they want to help with the 88 double orphans with food, clothes, school fees, etc. We got the grant, so i came down to maseru last weekend to go with the leader of the group. There were supposed to be two representatives from each group to recieve the grant at the US Embassy, and being the pompous american asshole that i am, i decided to be one of the reps. The ceremony was on september 11th, and was basically a three hour photo opp that could have been dry and lifeless if it wasnt for the bo-me (women) who broke into melody each time a support group was called to the front for the ceremonial handshake. it was beautiful and just made me realize how much soul these women really have. They are budding entreprenuers, making and selling cosmetics, chickens, baked goods... anything and everything to raise money for the children who are victims of misfortune. And i got to see the Thaba Bosiu guy.
Chapter Two: Mini tours are not just for senior citizens
On thursday night, there were two girls who were finishing their service and peacing out, and they told us story after story after story of peace corps debauchery, legends, lore, and all the juicy carnage that we savor so much from US Weekly. They made our pledge class look like yeasty babies. So, in the spirit of solidarity, Lindsey, Mandy, and I embarked on a mini-tour of Lesotho. Four days, three roundavels, over 24 hours of bus, taxi, truck travelling, two 80's workouts, one cardboard cutout of Bear Grylls, one deity of a carrot cake, and a thin dvd restored my soul, my faith in humanity, and my laugh lines.
The mini-tour gods doth shine down upon our lives.
Chapter Three: You can Barack my Obama
Last night was the COS party for the education volunteers who are leaving in December. AKA an excuse for me to buy a new dress and blow dry my hair. Which I did. I was a tad lushy, we had a Thaba Tseka danceoff, I believe at one point I told Rebecca that I was either ET'ing (leaving peace corps early) or moving districts... no recollection of that. I skinned my knees dancing, and then went in the hall to have a little heart to heart with lady Becca, and then went into the bathroom and fell asleep for about an hour. I woke up to the lights being turned off, and in my "groggy" state, it took me a good ten minuets to fully realize that I had been locked in. So i get up in the pitch black and walk straight into the cement wall. (hence, why my nose feels like a bee hive) and then check all the doors in the banquet hall, which are all chained and locked. So i bang on the door and start screaming like neve cambell, and finally after about 30 minuets a guard finds me and runs to get the key to get me out. The rest of the night includes many stories, all of which require hand motions and throwing my voice.... so remind me to tell you.
I woke up with a Barack Obama t-shirt on.
dont forget to vote.
I've been down in Maseru three times in the past three weeks, which, if you are a math major like myself, evens out to once a week. The HIV/AIDS support group that I have been helping out with in my old village (would we call it helping? I like to smile alot and pretend i have been working on my sesotho. thank the lord for dimples and a blank stare) but i helped them write a grant from the US Embassy to get money so they can buy laying hens and start an egg business, selling to the local primary schools. With the money they raise they want to help with the 88 double orphans with food, clothes, school fees, etc. We got the grant, so i came down to maseru last weekend to go with the leader of the group. There were supposed to be two representatives from each group to recieve the grant at the US Embassy, and being the pompous american asshole that i am, i decided to be one of the reps. The ceremony was on september 11th, and was basically a three hour photo opp that could have been dry and lifeless if it wasnt for the bo-me (women) who broke into melody each time a support group was called to the front for the ceremonial handshake. it was beautiful and just made me realize how much soul these women really have. They are budding entreprenuers, making and selling cosmetics, chickens, baked goods... anything and everything to raise money for the children who are victims of misfortune. And i got to see the Thaba Bosiu guy.
Chapter Two: Mini tours are not just for senior citizens
On thursday night, there were two girls who were finishing their service and peacing out, and they told us story after story after story of peace corps debauchery, legends, lore, and all the juicy carnage that we savor so much from US Weekly. They made our pledge class look like yeasty babies. So, in the spirit of solidarity, Lindsey, Mandy, and I embarked on a mini-tour of Lesotho. Four days, three roundavels, over 24 hours of bus, taxi, truck travelling, two 80's workouts, one cardboard cutout of Bear Grylls, one deity of a carrot cake, and a thin dvd restored my soul, my faith in humanity, and my laugh lines.
The mini-tour gods doth shine down upon our lives.
Chapter Three: You can Barack my Obama
Last night was the COS party for the education volunteers who are leaving in December. AKA an excuse for me to buy a new dress and blow dry my hair. Which I did. I was a tad lushy, we had a Thaba Tseka danceoff, I believe at one point I told Rebecca that I was either ET'ing (leaving peace corps early) or moving districts... no recollection of that. I skinned my knees dancing, and then went in the hall to have a little heart to heart with lady Becca, and then went into the bathroom and fell asleep for about an hour. I woke up to the lights being turned off, and in my "groggy" state, it took me a good ten minuets to fully realize that I had been locked in. So i get up in the pitch black and walk straight into the cement wall. (hence, why my nose feels like a bee hive) and then check all the doors in the banquet hall, which are all chained and locked. So i bang on the door and start screaming like neve cambell, and finally after about 30 minuets a guard finds me and runs to get the key to get me out. The rest of the night includes many stories, all of which require hand motions and throwing my voice.... so remind me to tell you.
I woke up with a Barack Obama t-shirt on.
dont forget to vote.
Sunday, July 27, 2008
Who's doppelganger am i???
I must be chris kirpatricks doppelganger. or maybe as much as i might have tried to mask my not so secret layers of my soul that are deeply ingrained with the music of (well, i would say "my youth" but a. i am hopefully still considered young and b. i havent really stopped listening to said music...) i was on the myspace page of Arrah and the Ferns, a genuinely beautiful band, and to my untimely dismay, they have disintegrated into separate musical ventures aka why is there nothing stable in the world these days?? the only thing a man can really count on these days is his dog. and i dont even have a dog.
anyways, i digress. so i was thinking, fine, if i cant have anymore of arrah and the ferns, what can i find to be their doppelganger? (yes, that is the word of the day and YES i will use it as frequently as i can find the space for)
so, where was this story going?? oh yeah, i typed in the moffats into Pandora to try and get some inspiration and you know the first song that came up was... God must have spent a little more time. on you. By everyone’s favorite soul band, nsync. Yes, nsync was a large part of my life growing up... where would i have been without stealing justin Timberlake’s trash can, laughing until (someone) peed their pants, and then contemplating selling it on ebay? where would i have been without the thrill of running into britney spears in a hallmark store, and then making up dances in my room to her not yet as sexually charged harmonies?
i dont know. Probably a more cultured person.
i just returned from a vacation to Namibia which seemed to last a lifetime... but was incredible. An hour before we were supposed to leave I lost my wallet, Lindsey wasnt sure she was even booked because her credit card information didnt go through, Madeline found out a water pipe had burst in her house, and they wouldnt break in to fix it, and Rebecca was going to get charged 1,000 rand for not having a border pass. So we figured the worst had been over with by the time we even left lesotho.
Top Ten Things to Quicken the Heart in Namibia
10) Dead vlei... aka microsoft's screensaver of joy right beofre your eyes. an incredible pan the size of four football fields that still houses the skeletans of 900 year old trees. its ghostly and incredible.
9) having your life be an african sunset.
8) having running water and electricity AT YOUR CAMPSITE. are they kidding?? 99% of the campsites we stayed at were nicer than my house in Thaba Tseka. It was the best camping of my life. the kind with outdoor showers where you expect a butler to show up to ask if your shampoo is lathery enough for you. (it was)
7) climbing up a sand dune the size of a Pyramid to watch the sunrise... and rolling down a dune at sunset. getting sand where one should never get wassabi
6) sandboarding down a dune, and subsequently watching the video where they show lindsey falling down with teh computer added words WIPEOUT!!!!!!! on replay
5) watching two adult male lions fighting over the remains of a blue wildebeast... the accompanying sound effects (aka knawing on bone) were enough to make me give up blue wildebeast forever. luckily, not a huge part of my diet.
4) brushing your teeth, and then deciding to walk down the the watering hole to see if there are any animals who share your passion for late night water drinking and find 45 elephants quenching their thirst 20 feet away
3) almost being eaten alive by a jackal because Madeline decided to leave biscuits at the foot of our tent. Death wish, party of two.
2) eerie limeade colored reeds from the top of a rock formation and thinking that you are on a different planet
1) Don’t feed the honey badgers, please.
We survive bee stings and all. And we don’t dive, we cannonball.
all in all it was incredible and i am still kind of in shock about how extremely blessed i am to be able to experience SO MUCH in such a short amount of time. i am terrified for school to start again, for a lot of reasons, but mostly because while the past few months have been great, i have done jack shit work wise. i need to just throw myself into it, instead of finding countless other distractions, like i have been doing for the past six months.
ok, peace for now.
anyways, i digress. so i was thinking, fine, if i cant have anymore of arrah and the ferns, what can i find to be their doppelganger? (yes, that is the word of the day and YES i will use it as frequently as i can find the space for)
so, where was this story going?? oh yeah, i typed in the moffats into Pandora to try and get some inspiration and you know the first song that came up was... God must have spent a little more time. on you. By everyone’s favorite soul band, nsync. Yes, nsync was a large part of my life growing up... where would i have been without stealing justin Timberlake’s trash can, laughing until (someone) peed their pants, and then contemplating selling it on ebay? where would i have been without the thrill of running into britney spears in a hallmark store, and then making up dances in my room to her not yet as sexually charged harmonies?
i dont know. Probably a more cultured person.
i just returned from a vacation to Namibia which seemed to last a lifetime... but was incredible. An hour before we were supposed to leave I lost my wallet, Lindsey wasnt sure she was even booked because her credit card information didnt go through, Madeline found out a water pipe had burst in her house, and they wouldnt break in to fix it, and Rebecca was going to get charged 1,000 rand for not having a border pass. So we figured the worst had been over with by the time we even left lesotho.
Top Ten Things to Quicken the Heart in Namibia
10) Dead vlei... aka microsoft's screensaver of joy right beofre your eyes. an incredible pan the size of four football fields that still houses the skeletans of 900 year old trees. its ghostly and incredible.
9) having your life be an african sunset.
8) having running water and electricity AT YOUR CAMPSITE. are they kidding?? 99% of the campsites we stayed at were nicer than my house in Thaba Tseka. It was the best camping of my life. the kind with outdoor showers where you expect a butler to show up to ask if your shampoo is lathery enough for you. (it was)
7) climbing up a sand dune the size of a Pyramid to watch the sunrise... and rolling down a dune at sunset. getting sand where one should never get wassabi
6) sandboarding down a dune, and subsequently watching the video where they show lindsey falling down with teh computer added words WIPEOUT!!!!!!! on replay
5) watching two adult male lions fighting over the remains of a blue wildebeast... the accompanying sound effects (aka knawing on bone) were enough to make me give up blue wildebeast forever. luckily, not a huge part of my diet.
4) brushing your teeth, and then deciding to walk down the the watering hole to see if there are any animals who share your passion for late night water drinking and find 45 elephants quenching their thirst 20 feet away
3) almost being eaten alive by a jackal because Madeline decided to leave biscuits at the foot of our tent. Death wish, party of two.
2) eerie limeade colored reeds from the top of a rock formation and thinking that you are on a different planet
1) Don’t feed the honey badgers, please.
We survive bee stings and all. And we don’t dive, we cannonball.
all in all it was incredible and i am still kind of in shock about how extremely blessed i am to be able to experience SO MUCH in such a short amount of time. i am terrified for school to start again, for a lot of reasons, but mostly because while the past few months have been great, i have done jack shit work wise. i need to just throw myself into it, instead of finding countless other distractions, like i have been doing for the past six months.
ok, peace for now.
Friday, June 20, 2008
HAS ANYONE SEEN AN ADULT CAT
Ten Reasons Why I love Rebecca and Madeline
10) Rebecca screams out BABY FISH MOUTH seconds before those words are uttered in the eternal soul fest movie "when harry met sally"
9) madeline plays at least 2 hours of Snake on her nokia a day. theres nothing like being woken up to the f'ing DING of a cell phone every time she gets to a new level
8) there was a PARADE outside of our window this morning, complete with tubas (ok, so mad and bec had nothing to do with this... but they were there, and enjoyed it just as much as i did)
7) rebecca's mom sent her a limerick to send to me... and i shall publish it here
There once was Rebecca's ma
Who read Victoria's blo(g)She thought them very clever
But knew she'd match them never
So will hang up her limerick pen forever.
classic. thank you momosauraus reilly.
i dont know, whatever. they are spectacular human beings... but here are 5 reasons why I hate them today.
5) they are Ladybrand TEASES
4) they are trying to have an ice cream sunday party tonight without sprinkles. that hurts my soul.
ok, so i only have two reasons. but they are valid with a capitol amas amat amor.
and then Namibia with five of my favorite people to wake up before effing dawn, NOT having champagne interludes, and watching sunrises and sunsets and listening to rebecca say Windhoek until i pee my pants. (or my sleeping bag)
so much life to live.
10) Rebecca screams out BABY FISH MOUTH seconds before those words are uttered in the eternal soul fest movie "when harry met sally"
9) madeline plays at least 2 hours of Snake on her nokia a day. theres nothing like being woken up to the f'ing DING of a cell phone every time she gets to a new level
8) there was a PARADE outside of our window this morning, complete with tubas (ok, so mad and bec had nothing to do with this... but they were there, and enjoyed it just as much as i did)
7) rebecca's mom sent her a limerick to send to me... and i shall publish it here
There once was Rebecca's ma
Who read Victoria's blo(g)She thought them very clever
But knew she'd match them never
So will hang up her limerick pen forever.
classic. thank you momosauraus reilly.
i dont know, whatever. they are spectacular human beings... but here are 5 reasons why I hate them today.
5) they are Ladybrand TEASES
4) they are trying to have an ice cream sunday party tonight without sprinkles. that hurts my soul.
ok, so i only have two reasons. but they are valid with a capitol amas amat amor.
and then Namibia with five of my favorite people to wake up before effing dawn, NOT having champagne interludes, and watching sunrises and sunsets and listening to rebecca say Windhoek until i pee my pants. (or my sleeping bag)
so much life to live.
Tuesday, June 17, 2008
BECK RULZZZ
So, no loose glitter, eh? Might as well take away our souls.
Burning Man, South Africa. Mad scientists (pun intended...) Mad, and Rebecca will ingeniously develop a way to pack glitter so intensely on our bodies that there is no way a fleck of colored matter will fall from our bodies.
We will be glitter moguls.
So much room for love in my life right now (is that a john denver song...) but the past week has been borderline magical. Instead of sitting at school all day wondering why the heck i am here, i worked with my favorite student on some exams taht he had to finish before discovering that, interestingly enough, he cannot read or write. So we are working on that. He is the Rhett Butler of 5th grade. He has a steed.
Ten Things That Quicken My Heart About My New House
10) its purple. not previously painted purple, but passionatly painted purple, which is just as good.
9) my new little brother. swoon. he makes a lot of awkward sighs. but i have been making him crossword puzzles and me, becca, and nao will sit and do crossword puzzles before counting our gray hairs and brushing our dentures. (no offense, crotchety old people of the world)
8) there is a massive baobab tree on my wall. well, maybe not as baobabbish as beautifully and wonderfully green and fruitful. and on my wall.
7) i have woken up every morning to two of my favorite things in the entire world a) rebecca reilly... and b) my pregnancy pillow aptly named Bryan Adams.
*sidenote about bryan adams. When he is wrapped around your body you feel safe. Warm. Loved.
(same with rebecca)
6) There are no Potato Chip Crises. I am the master of the spud. I have made the most delicious french fries/potato chips with velvetta cheese and a healthy dose of sodium.
5) PEOPLE ACTUALLY COME VISIT ME. At my house. I am no longer isolated from the world. One of my teachers came over for dinner the other night, and then my brothers came in and then i realized that i had the potential from dying of a swollen heart of joy.
4) I have been introduced to the magical world of Veronica Mars. Aka approximatly four hours of mystery, mayhem, and wonderment. If you are unfamiliar, it was a show on UPN about three years ago, probably sandwitched in between Moesha and reruns of Saved By the Bell: College Years. But its a good time had by all.
3) Being the Lucky Pierre in the middle of a Rebecca/Madeline sandwich
2) my new sofa that broke three seconds after sitting upon it. It took them more time to fix the sofa than it took them to make it... but its worth it.
1) umm... my family will be sitting in it. soon.
More to come later...
Burning Man, South Africa. Mad scientists (pun intended...) Mad, and Rebecca will ingeniously develop a way to pack glitter so intensely on our bodies that there is no way a fleck of colored matter will fall from our bodies.
We will be glitter moguls.
So much room for love in my life right now (is that a john denver song...) but the past week has been borderline magical. Instead of sitting at school all day wondering why the heck i am here, i worked with my favorite student on some exams taht he had to finish before discovering that, interestingly enough, he cannot read or write. So we are working on that. He is the Rhett Butler of 5th grade. He has a steed.
Ten Things That Quicken My Heart About My New House
10) its purple. not previously painted purple, but passionatly painted purple, which is just as good.
9) my new little brother. swoon. he makes a lot of awkward sighs. but i have been making him crossword puzzles and me, becca, and nao will sit and do crossword puzzles before counting our gray hairs and brushing our dentures. (no offense, crotchety old people of the world)
8) there is a massive baobab tree on my wall. well, maybe not as baobabbish as beautifully and wonderfully green and fruitful. and on my wall.
7) i have woken up every morning to two of my favorite things in the entire world a) rebecca reilly... and b) my pregnancy pillow aptly named Bryan Adams.
*sidenote about bryan adams. When he is wrapped around your body you feel safe. Warm. Loved.
(same with rebecca)
6) There are no Potato Chip Crises. I am the master of the spud. I have made the most delicious french fries/potato chips with velvetta cheese and a healthy dose of sodium.
5) PEOPLE ACTUALLY COME VISIT ME. At my house. I am no longer isolated from the world. One of my teachers came over for dinner the other night, and then my brothers came in and then i realized that i had the potential from dying of a swollen heart of joy.
4) I have been introduced to the magical world of Veronica Mars. Aka approximatly four hours of mystery, mayhem, and wonderment. If you are unfamiliar, it was a show on UPN about three years ago, probably sandwitched in between Moesha and reruns of Saved By the Bell: College Years. But its a good time had by all.
3) Being the Lucky Pierre in the middle of a Rebecca/Madeline sandwich
2) my new sofa that broke three seconds after sitting upon it. It took them more time to fix the sofa than it took them to make it... but its worth it.
1) umm... my family will be sitting in it. soon.
More to come later...
Tuesday, May 27, 2008
I'm made of atoms... your made of atoms. We're all in this together.
Yeah, i have a lot of freetime on the computer tonight... so i decided to break up my posts. I used to end stories with "and then i started bawling..." Which, while it was rarely ever true that my tear ducts were aware of this situation, it was exaclty how i felt at the time. I rarely ever produced the tears that I alluded to in my stories, but the emotions were there. Now... every story I tell really does end in "and then i started bawling." And its usually the truth. Its like, immediatly upon entering Lesotho my saline count increased, and I am doing my body a favor by setting the little droppers free. So I consider crying my secondary project, because crying is not really culturally appropriate or socially accepted here. So, yes I am doing my part to inform the people of Lesotho that it is okay to cry. I will keep you updated on my tales of triumph on the matter. Its just that every experience here is amplified by 1,000 because we have to deal with things almost entirely on our own. With the whole housing situation that I am going through now, its not as if I could walk next door to Walker's and explain the situation to whatever yahoo i recognized who would sympathize with me over a cup of coffee. I had to sit in the Chiefs house for an hour and a half while they spoke in a mile-a-minute Sesotho about the situation to which i had no idea what was going on. I never really realized how isolated i was until that moment. I am usually amazing at zoning out and just ignoring the situation but i genuinly wanted to know what was going on, and didnt get an explanation until hours later. The good news is that I am getting a ride up with the Country Director tomorow to check out my new house. I REALLY hope it works out. Cross your appendages for me.
Ten Things To Quicken the Heart... other than caffine.
10) Previously painted purple pancakes...perfected.
9) Estrogen
8) Slow rolling tears
7) Unexpected selfless beanie warmth
6) letters from Gramps
5) the fact that Rebecca and I can now communicate via walkie talkie
4) promises of a baobab tree
3) hopeforasolidwinter
2) Screaming at the top of my lungs into a pillow
1) Spontaneous compustion of laughter at the sight of a particular picture.
love you all.
Ten Things To Quicken the Heart... other than caffine.
10) Previously painted purple pancakes...perfected.
9) Estrogen
8) Slow rolling tears
7) Unexpected selfless beanie warmth
6) letters from Gramps
5) the fact that Rebecca and I can now communicate via walkie talkie
4) promises of a baobab tree
3) hopeforasolidwinter
2) Screaming at the top of my lungs into a pillow
1) Spontaneous compustion of laughter at the sight of a particular picture.
love you all.
Zut Alors! Someone has sat on my bagel!
If you want i'll send you a postcard... to let you know im here. I 'll be sure to fill it with imagery, and i'll be sure to be sincere.
You know, I was a little apprehensive about starting this whole bloggerific idae because a) it ranks up there with carrying around a mini-mirror in terms of vanity and b) i get no love on this thing. It feels like I am expressing myself into the abyss of cold-hearted technology and it would be nice to get a little e-hug.
So, new conditions with the blog. If you read this bad-boy you MUST under ALL conditions leave me
a) a limerick
b) ten things to quicken the heart
or...
c) it must spur you on to write me an actual letter.
So, even if you are a creepo who is reading this, and I have no clue who you are, you must follow those rules. Because they rule.
So, I am in Maseru again, so quickly after my last visit because I had a meeting in town about this group called Literacy in Lesotho, which basically wants to get books in the hands of kids under the age of three. Its an interesting organization and the meeting really showed the differences in the American culture, who typically hold the belief that any meeting can be conducted within two hours, with concrete results. Well, welcome to Lesotho. Different expectations, different realities. It made it perfectly clear why I am signed on for two years, instead of a quickie, come let me start something and leave. (which is not what this lady is doing... but just for examples sake.) While yes, I am frustrated at my job, yes I dont really feel like I am accomplishing anything, and no I dont really have a focus right now, its nice to have the time to get adjusted. Because if there is one thing I have realized is that it takes me a LONG TIME to get adjusted to new situations... aka college, camp... etc. Well, not Space Camp. I loved Space Camp.
Anyways. Its been a long week. Well... what day is it? Its been a long two weeks. Last week when I got home and got a text message from my principal saying that my family had doubled my rent, and that i should go look at my new house. So I said, ok sure, what more could really change, I will just roll with this one. So some little boy walks me to my new house, which is across the street, and is approximatly half the size, with no real windows for light (when you dont have electricity, windows are a hot commodity), and the door had a lovely view of a cement wall. But I was in no mood to complain, and usually when things are handed to me such as this they tend to work out regardless. So I went into town out of habitual avoidance, and ran into a Canadian volunteer who has been staying in town for the past four months. And he just happened to be leaving this coming Friday so my heart started palpatating (atrocious spelling... go figure) and I rushed over to the primary school where the m'e who owns the house teaches, and pleaded my case. Didn't really need much pleading because I had done a workshop about a month ago that she attended and left an "anonymous" note to us saying "oh, you all are such good girls. Such good girls, oh. Thank you." I was a little nervous because a while back I had a little situation at the bank where they tried to charge me 45 rand because their f'ing machine had eaten my card, and i got a little heated with the teller. After my rant, which was probably amplified by my emotionally explosive nature, I turned around and saw two of my teachers staring at me, and M'e Julia (my future "landlord") laughing. She told me that i was "so strong. wow. you were really strong back there. Man. Strong." So, yeah, i was a little worried that she didnt want a basket case whitey living in her rondavel, but luckily her judgement is a little blurry. So I was so excited about this move, because it opens doors for me to work at other schools, and at the hospital, to have cell phone service, to be able to walk to rebecca's just to say hey, sing her a song, and then go home... so many pro's that i forget the con's. But of course this is Lesotho and I am now officially an adult (when did that happen and can i make it stop) nothing is ever as easy as it seems. So I get the approval of my principal and Peace Corps, and then go to Katse for the weekend to visit Madeline at her new house. All in all, a blissful weekend with a bathtub and 6 episodes of Arrested Development, and lots of spontaneous compustion in the form of guffaws. When I get back home, Caswel (yes kay, your BFF) comes to my house and tells me that my family has been asking why I am crying, and why I am not paying the rent, and if I am going to sneak out without paying the rent, and why the little boy was hiding by the river to take away my things to town... etc. Random thought after random thought. So apparently no one had told my family that I was moving, let alone what the situation was. So, anxiety. Because I was told NOT to tell my family, that my principal would handle it, and that I should move my stuff out little by little as not to alarm my family. Which of course should have raised about 3,000 ruby flags but i was so excited about moving i didnt really think about it. And my family speaks about negative zero english, so i couldnt clarify anything. So i walk into town to talk to my supervisor and she is not there, so one of my teachers helps me, and tells me story after story about how i need to get out of my village immediatly, i need to move to town, ive done the whole "wash your clothes in the river, bucket on the head thing" and its time to move on.
I agree. Long story made really super long, i spent the day en route from principal to the Chief to home, to Becca's to the Chiefs, then back home and still nothing was really resolved. I dont know who to trust anymore because I know my family is amazing but I just cant communicate with them. So automatically I trust the people who speak english which isnt always my best bet.
Zut alors. Someone has sat on my bagel.
You know, I was a little apprehensive about starting this whole bloggerific idae because a) it ranks up there with carrying around a mini-mirror in terms of vanity and b) i get no love on this thing. It feels like I am expressing myself into the abyss of cold-hearted technology and it would be nice to get a little e-hug.
So, new conditions with the blog. If you read this bad-boy you MUST under ALL conditions leave me
a) a limerick
b) ten things to quicken the heart
or...
c) it must spur you on to write me an actual letter.
So, even if you are a creepo who is reading this, and I have no clue who you are, you must follow those rules. Because they rule.
So, I am in Maseru again, so quickly after my last visit because I had a meeting in town about this group called Literacy in Lesotho, which basically wants to get books in the hands of kids under the age of three. Its an interesting organization and the meeting really showed the differences in the American culture, who typically hold the belief that any meeting can be conducted within two hours, with concrete results. Well, welcome to Lesotho. Different expectations, different realities. It made it perfectly clear why I am signed on for two years, instead of a quickie, come let me start something and leave. (which is not what this lady is doing... but just for examples sake.) While yes, I am frustrated at my job, yes I dont really feel like I am accomplishing anything, and no I dont really have a focus right now, its nice to have the time to get adjusted. Because if there is one thing I have realized is that it takes me a LONG TIME to get adjusted to new situations... aka college, camp... etc. Well, not Space Camp. I loved Space Camp.
Anyways. Its been a long week. Well... what day is it? Its been a long two weeks. Last week when I got home and got a text message from my principal saying that my family had doubled my rent, and that i should go look at my new house. So I said, ok sure, what more could really change, I will just roll with this one. So some little boy walks me to my new house, which is across the street, and is approximatly half the size, with no real windows for light (when you dont have electricity, windows are a hot commodity), and the door had a lovely view of a cement wall. But I was in no mood to complain, and usually when things are handed to me such as this they tend to work out regardless. So I went into town out of habitual avoidance, and ran into a Canadian volunteer who has been staying in town for the past four months. And he just happened to be leaving this coming Friday so my heart started palpatating (atrocious spelling... go figure) and I rushed over to the primary school where the m'e who owns the house teaches, and pleaded my case. Didn't really need much pleading because I had done a workshop about a month ago that she attended and left an "anonymous" note to us saying "oh, you all are such good girls. Such good girls, oh. Thank you." I was a little nervous because a while back I had a little situation at the bank where they tried to charge me 45 rand because their f'ing machine had eaten my card, and i got a little heated with the teller. After my rant, which was probably amplified by my emotionally explosive nature, I turned around and saw two of my teachers staring at me, and M'e Julia (my future "landlord") laughing. She told me that i was "so strong. wow. you were really strong back there. Man. Strong." So, yeah, i was a little worried that she didnt want a basket case whitey living in her rondavel, but luckily her judgement is a little blurry. So I was so excited about this move, because it opens doors for me to work at other schools, and at the hospital, to have cell phone service, to be able to walk to rebecca's just to say hey, sing her a song, and then go home... so many pro's that i forget the con's. But of course this is Lesotho and I am now officially an adult (when did that happen and can i make it stop) nothing is ever as easy as it seems. So I get the approval of my principal and Peace Corps, and then go to Katse for the weekend to visit Madeline at her new house. All in all, a blissful weekend with a bathtub and 6 episodes of Arrested Development, and lots of spontaneous compustion in the form of guffaws. When I get back home, Caswel (yes kay, your BFF) comes to my house and tells me that my family has been asking why I am crying, and why I am not paying the rent, and if I am going to sneak out without paying the rent, and why the little boy was hiding by the river to take away my things to town... etc. Random thought after random thought. So apparently no one had told my family that I was moving, let alone what the situation was. So, anxiety. Because I was told NOT to tell my family, that my principal would handle it, and that I should move my stuff out little by little as not to alarm my family. Which of course should have raised about 3,000 ruby flags but i was so excited about moving i didnt really think about it. And my family speaks about negative zero english, so i couldnt clarify anything. So i walk into town to talk to my supervisor and she is not there, so one of my teachers helps me, and tells me story after story about how i need to get out of my village immediatly, i need to move to town, ive done the whole "wash your clothes in the river, bucket on the head thing" and its time to move on.
I agree. Long story made really super long, i spent the day en route from principal to the Chief to home, to Becca's to the Chiefs, then back home and still nothing was really resolved. I dont know who to trust anymore because I know my family is amazing but I just cant communicate with them. So automatically I trust the people who speak english which isnt always my best bet.
Zut alors. Someone has sat on my bagel.
Sunday, May 18, 2008
Gogi Berries and Mini Skirts
Oh the land of uncertainty, with scattered puppies and rainbows.
this past week is a blur. an amazing, time warp, alternate reality blur in which i took approxamatly 13 baths, at at lord knows how many all you can eat buffets, took a safari tour that had a "champagne interlude," travelled to the end of the world, swam in the Indian Ocean (partially) clothes, rode on an AIRPLANE, ate ice cream, and was tormented by people who i love. i love kaitlyn and vito bagnato. all in all, it was a magical time warp away from reality. My last vacation I felt guilty about being back in humanity, being a glutton and living frivoulously. This vacation, i swam in frivolity and enjoyed it immensely. I had forgotten how normal it was to live... normally. After I left vito and kay at the airport, i went into Cape Town, bought a minidress i will probably never be able to wear in Lesotho, bought some oversize sunglasses, and walked around town feeling the air on my legs. It was nice to just fit in. Not to be singled out for being white, or being a female, and not getting any odd looks. People asked me for directions, complimented my dress, treated me like a normal human being who belongs in a civilized world. And i soaked it up. I miss cities. I miss the feel of them, the bustle, the activity, the possibility of meeting a new person on every street corner.
I wonder what i am doing here. My heart feels heavy because there has been a change in my existance. A change in who I thought I could trust and who I thought cared about me. And there is so much uncertainty. I want to live and breathe and work and find my balance. But its difficult. My family comes in a month and I cant wait to see them but i just know it will make me want to come home. I wish I could find my place here already.
There is so much to look forward to the next few moths that I know they are going to fly by. But I am ready for something constant. Something (or someone) I know I can rely on. If that is a possibility...
Ok, well. Kaitlyn and Vito: well done.
i had an amazing week.
Ten Things To Quicken the Heart
10) 5 cups of coffee from 5 different coffee shops in 3 hours in Cape Town
9) being asked if i worked at the Game Reserve
8) African tuxedo's (khaki on khaki... on khaki)
7)Uncertainty
6) Kaitlyn's affinity for my little sisters... and the random things she taught them
5) the sleeper bus from Cape Town to Bloemfontein
4) did i mention uncertainty?
3) my family comes in ONE MONTH
2) air, wind, water, and crossword puzzles
1) limericks
miss you all.
this past week is a blur. an amazing, time warp, alternate reality blur in which i took approxamatly 13 baths, at at lord knows how many all you can eat buffets, took a safari tour that had a "champagne interlude," travelled to the end of the world, swam in the Indian Ocean (partially) clothes, rode on an AIRPLANE, ate ice cream, and was tormented by people who i love. i love kaitlyn and vito bagnato. all in all, it was a magical time warp away from reality. My last vacation I felt guilty about being back in humanity, being a glutton and living frivoulously. This vacation, i swam in frivolity and enjoyed it immensely. I had forgotten how normal it was to live... normally. After I left vito and kay at the airport, i went into Cape Town, bought a minidress i will probably never be able to wear in Lesotho, bought some oversize sunglasses, and walked around town feeling the air on my legs. It was nice to just fit in. Not to be singled out for being white, or being a female, and not getting any odd looks. People asked me for directions, complimented my dress, treated me like a normal human being who belongs in a civilized world. And i soaked it up. I miss cities. I miss the feel of them, the bustle, the activity, the possibility of meeting a new person on every street corner.
I wonder what i am doing here. My heart feels heavy because there has been a change in my existance. A change in who I thought I could trust and who I thought cared about me. And there is so much uncertainty. I want to live and breathe and work and find my balance. But its difficult. My family comes in a month and I cant wait to see them but i just know it will make me want to come home. I wish I could find my place here already.
There is so much to look forward to the next few moths that I know they are going to fly by. But I am ready for something constant. Something (or someone) I know I can rely on. If that is a possibility...
Ok, well. Kaitlyn and Vito: well done.
i had an amazing week.
Ten Things To Quicken the Heart
10) 5 cups of coffee from 5 different coffee shops in 3 hours in Cape Town
9) being asked if i worked at the Game Reserve
8) African tuxedo's (khaki on khaki... on khaki)
7)Uncertainty
6) Kaitlyn's affinity for my little sisters... and the random things she taught them
5) the sleeper bus from Cape Town to Bloemfontein
4) did i mention uncertainty?
3) my family comes in ONE MONTH
2) air, wind, water, and crossword puzzles
1) limericks
miss you all.
Thursday, May 15, 2008
Disco Naps are for sissies
Ten Things To Quicken The Hearts of Kaitlyn and Victoria
10) Paved roads
9) copulating penguins
8) Pocahontassing into a 40 foot waterfall next to an overzealous bald hotel manager named Quincent
7) beating the entire Bagnato clan + Andre 3000 mercilessly at darts
6) Kaitlyns horrible taste in boyfriends.
5) Savannah Lights at the highest bar in Africa
4) being told that "American girls love hot chocolate"
3) Having Vito try to straighen out our lives.
2) Being told that we have been in Africa too long.
1) SPOONING EACH OTHER.
I love the Bagnato's.
10) Paved roads
9) copulating penguins
8) Pocahontassing into a 40 foot waterfall next to an overzealous bald hotel manager named Quincent
7) beating the entire Bagnato clan + Andre 3000 mercilessly at darts
6) Kaitlyns horrible taste in boyfriends.
5) Savannah Lights at the highest bar in Africa
4) being told that "American girls love hot chocolate"
3) Having Vito try to straighen out our lives.
2) Being told that we have been in Africa too long.
1) SPOONING EACH OTHER.
I love the Bagnato's.
Sunday, April 27, 2008
WE ARE THE LEAST LONLIEST GIRLS IN THE T-HOUSE
WE ARE THE HAPPIEST GIRLS IN THE T-HOUSE!
This morning Becky Boxes, Peter Pan Cozad and I made the executive decision to take a mental health day and stay in Maseru, even though we were supposed to head back to our respective homes so we can get back to the wonderful world of working in Lesotho. Lying in the bliss of our bunkbeds, making innappropriatly early text messages, Becky Boxes made the wise exclamation that, since she had a sheet, two blankets, and a sweatshirt on that she was "the warmest girl in the t-house!"
So. Yes. Today we are the happiest girls in Lesotho. We got to head into a border South Africa town for a little civilization lovin fun, complete with watching some innapropriate Boer family putting their naked baby in a bird bath and taking Anne Gedes snapshots of the winy little yeasty. The baby kept trying to crawl out but they kept shoving it back in the fountain. I laughed, I cried, I cursed Anne Gedes eternal soul into the river Styx... like the band. All in all it was a blissfull day. My stomach is still whistling dixie with the glories of a sandwich I like to call the Wheezy and Boxes Special Surprise which includes a combination of the following: bread and butter pickles, honey mustard dressing, strawberry jam, feta cheese, feta cheese flavored pringles, spinach, and a dash of love.
Its amazing. Kind of like a movie theatre.
Did I mention that I have a cross-eyed cat named Ringo? He is a terrorist. He sleeps in my sleeping bag with me, and a recent discovery is that hes emparted on me some hungry flesh loving friends known as fleas. Fugde crackers. I feed him oatmeal and he eats like a banchee. I originally got him to violently murder the terrorist mice that ate my thermals and brutally masacred Rhett Butler to make their nest, but I am thinking that having a cross eyed cat might be worse than having holes in all my clothes.
I dont know.
I head back home tomorow morning, and in less than TWO WEEKS kaitlyn and dr. john will be here. i CANNOT wait. But i will wait.
Ten Things to Quicken the Heart.
10) Unopen wedding presents almost stolen by Wheezy, Boxes, and Peter Pan
9) Being the warmest girl in the t house
8) Heads
7) Naked babies in fountains with garland in their hair
6) Seeing a springbock in the wild with the ambassadors possee and Bexxxy making the comment "oh yeah... we see those all the time. On menu's in South Africa."
5) Ninja Baths
4) Thaba Tseka pickle parties
3) Impending Empire Records bliss
2) Social Terrorism aka Victoria pretty much every night we go out
1) RICH AND NANCY CARLSON
LOVE AND MISS YOU ALL.
ardently.
This morning Becky Boxes, Peter Pan Cozad and I made the executive decision to take a mental health day and stay in Maseru, even though we were supposed to head back to our respective homes so we can get back to the wonderful world of working in Lesotho. Lying in the bliss of our bunkbeds, making innappropriatly early text messages, Becky Boxes made the wise exclamation that, since she had a sheet, two blankets, and a sweatshirt on that she was "the warmest girl in the t-house!"
So. Yes. Today we are the happiest girls in Lesotho. We got to head into a border South Africa town for a little civilization lovin fun, complete with watching some innapropriate Boer family putting their naked baby in a bird bath and taking Anne Gedes snapshots of the winy little yeasty. The baby kept trying to crawl out but they kept shoving it back in the fountain. I laughed, I cried, I cursed Anne Gedes eternal soul into the river Styx... like the band. All in all it was a blissfull day. My stomach is still whistling dixie with the glories of a sandwich I like to call the Wheezy and Boxes Special Surprise which includes a combination of the following: bread and butter pickles, honey mustard dressing, strawberry jam, feta cheese, feta cheese flavored pringles, spinach, and a dash of love.
Its amazing. Kind of like a movie theatre.
Did I mention that I have a cross-eyed cat named Ringo? He is a terrorist. He sleeps in my sleeping bag with me, and a recent discovery is that hes emparted on me some hungry flesh loving friends known as fleas. Fugde crackers. I feed him oatmeal and he eats like a banchee. I originally got him to violently murder the terrorist mice that ate my thermals and brutally masacred Rhett Butler to make their nest, but I am thinking that having a cross eyed cat might be worse than having holes in all my clothes.
I dont know.
I head back home tomorow morning, and in less than TWO WEEKS kaitlyn and dr. john will be here. i CANNOT wait. But i will wait.
Ten Things to Quicken the Heart.
10) Unopen wedding presents almost stolen by Wheezy, Boxes, and Peter Pan
9) Being the warmest girl in the t house
8) Heads
7) Naked babies in fountains with garland in their hair
6) Seeing a springbock in the wild with the ambassadors possee and Bexxxy making the comment "oh yeah... we see those all the time. On menu's in South Africa."
5) Ninja Baths
4) Thaba Tseka pickle parties
3) Impending Empire Records bliss
2) Social Terrorism aka Victoria pretty much every night we go out
1) RICH AND NANCY CARLSON
LOVE AND MISS YOU ALL.
ardently.
Saturday, April 26, 2008
Stay Warm, Stay Safe, Stay Dry
" I go through all this before you wake up, so i can be happier, to be safe with you again."
If you all dont have a Ben Shazby, i heavily suggest that you Craigslist.com for one. He is the tallest of the Yeti's the sturdiest of the mountains, the most lovely soul that you could imagine from a man who actually looks better in a mumu and glitter than all females of the female kind.
Find him on facebook. Love him.
The weeks leading up to the past two weeks, i cheated myself out of all the strength that i have accumulated through my 22 years of life. it is pitiful the credit i gave myself. i went through a two week crying binge, where i could feel my ears, eyes, and altogether well being being dehydrated from my salty exports. Its a lonely place, the land of tears. I just let myself cry because i just couldnt find my strength. i knew that i had used it uarlier, i knew that i had it somewhere, but i just COULDNT FIND IT. it felt like i had put it in storage, to be used for a later date. and i was relying on the strength and comfort of another to bulid up my ability to leave, breath and function. i remember a low point where i actually asked someone to make me happy. and then, overnight, i felt a wave of relief. instead of the impending abyss that i was expecting, i found my strenght. and it was easer than i ever could have imagined. my job is still trying, i am freexing my extremeties off in my roundavel, i go through days where i have no clue if i am wasting my time here, but i am doing it. and i dont have to convince myself that this strenght is a facade, because i know that it runs deep throughout my body.
so yes, i am good. i had a realization the other night about a week ago, after i had come home and made a complete mess of my roundavel from a pancake explosion, that no one was going to come help me clean up my mess. it was my mess. i was alone. it is my responsability to take care of myself. and that was terrifying. isnt complete liberty terrifying in some fundamental way? Yes. i just prayed out of loud that someone would feel my desperation and feel that i needed someone. But no one came, of course. So i am realizing more and more that i am on my own more than i ever thought possible. But then i realize how much i still rely on the beep of my text messages, the calls i breathe in deeply from my satelite phone, and the packages and cards and letters that you all send. and i know i am not alone.
Yesterday the ambassador came up to Thaba Tseka and Rebecca and i took him and his possee to a real live Basotho restaurant, and it was so interesting to see their reactions to what has become so natural so us. Rebecca is a living dream, ps. She has a love for people that i cant even fathom. And on a particular topic, she is objective, and i let my own wandering and catatonic mind fill in the blanks. But she is strong.
I feel like I have so much more to say, and i probably do. School has its ups and downs, we did a workshop last saturday and 30 teachers showed up, which was amazing, and we went over the Ministry math and science kits which they neglect to actually use in their classrooms. And monday, one of my teachers tried and experiment with her class and the way their faces lit up when they saw that the daily actiivities did not include copying notes all day was worth every second of trial that i let creep into my mind.
I miss you all. I miss Katherine's hair when we dance. I miss that Sarah got married. I miss laughing at everything with TWONGS, and admiring Natalie's every movement. I miss Athens.
I never really think about anything concrete in America that i miss. But every other day, i feel a particular breeze in Thaba Tseka that reminds my of a day that mom and i were in Highland Park going into Starbucks, or when Ryan and I went to terrorize manatees. Or a day i was landscaping and oogling Eli in Saranac. I've reached the age where i have memories far back in my mind that dont even feel real anymore. But when i realize they are real i sing halleluah amen for the people that have made my life a living dream.
Ten Things that quicken my heart
10. kisses on the forehead
9. twirling children and tickling them mercilesslely
8. finding life when you thought it was barren
7. my mom's taste in scarves
6. my sister katie
5. the mountains at dusk. aura: purple.
4. the hop before the cartwheel.
3. falling on your back after an incredible handstand
2. waking up next to becky boxes and singing her the good morning song and then relaying our dreams to each other
1. talking to katherine kennedy on the phone and feeling all the pain and stress in my body float towards the clouds.
love you all.
If you all dont have a Ben Shazby, i heavily suggest that you Craigslist.com for one. He is the tallest of the Yeti's the sturdiest of the mountains, the most lovely soul that you could imagine from a man who actually looks better in a mumu and glitter than all females of the female kind.
Find him on facebook. Love him.
The weeks leading up to the past two weeks, i cheated myself out of all the strength that i have accumulated through my 22 years of life. it is pitiful the credit i gave myself. i went through a two week crying binge, where i could feel my ears, eyes, and altogether well being being dehydrated from my salty exports. Its a lonely place, the land of tears. I just let myself cry because i just couldnt find my strength. i knew that i had used it uarlier, i knew that i had it somewhere, but i just COULDNT FIND IT. it felt like i had put it in storage, to be used for a later date. and i was relying on the strength and comfort of another to bulid up my ability to leave, breath and function. i remember a low point where i actually asked someone to make me happy. and then, overnight, i felt a wave of relief. instead of the impending abyss that i was expecting, i found my strenght. and it was easer than i ever could have imagined. my job is still trying, i am freexing my extremeties off in my roundavel, i go through days where i have no clue if i am wasting my time here, but i am doing it. and i dont have to convince myself that this strenght is a facade, because i know that it runs deep throughout my body.
so yes, i am good. i had a realization the other night about a week ago, after i had come home and made a complete mess of my roundavel from a pancake explosion, that no one was going to come help me clean up my mess. it was my mess. i was alone. it is my responsability to take care of myself. and that was terrifying. isnt complete liberty terrifying in some fundamental way? Yes. i just prayed out of loud that someone would feel my desperation and feel that i needed someone. But no one came, of course. So i am realizing more and more that i am on my own more than i ever thought possible. But then i realize how much i still rely on the beep of my text messages, the calls i breathe in deeply from my satelite phone, and the packages and cards and letters that you all send. and i know i am not alone.
Yesterday the ambassador came up to Thaba Tseka and Rebecca and i took him and his possee to a real live Basotho restaurant, and it was so interesting to see their reactions to what has become so natural so us. Rebecca is a living dream, ps. She has a love for people that i cant even fathom. And on a particular topic, she is objective, and i let my own wandering and catatonic mind fill in the blanks. But she is strong.
I feel like I have so much more to say, and i probably do. School has its ups and downs, we did a workshop last saturday and 30 teachers showed up, which was amazing, and we went over the Ministry math and science kits which they neglect to actually use in their classrooms. And monday, one of my teachers tried and experiment with her class and the way their faces lit up when they saw that the daily actiivities did not include copying notes all day was worth every second of trial that i let creep into my mind.
I miss you all. I miss Katherine's hair when we dance. I miss that Sarah got married. I miss laughing at everything with TWONGS, and admiring Natalie's every movement. I miss Athens.
I never really think about anything concrete in America that i miss. But every other day, i feel a particular breeze in Thaba Tseka that reminds my of a day that mom and i were in Highland Park going into Starbucks, or when Ryan and I went to terrorize manatees. Or a day i was landscaping and oogling Eli in Saranac. I've reached the age where i have memories far back in my mind that dont even feel real anymore. But when i realize they are real i sing halleluah amen for the people that have made my life a living dream.
Ten Things that quicken my heart
10. kisses on the forehead
9. twirling children and tickling them mercilesslely
8. finding life when you thought it was barren
7. my mom's taste in scarves
6. my sister katie
5. the mountains at dusk. aura: purple.
4. the hop before the cartwheel.
3. falling on your back after an incredible handstand
2. waking up next to becky boxes and singing her the good morning song and then relaying our dreams to each other
1. talking to katherine kennedy on the phone and feeling all the pain and stress in my body float towards the clouds.
love you all.
Thursday, April 3, 2008
How Can We Bear It?
"What is it? My dear?"
"Ah, how can we bear it?"
"Bear what?"
"This. For so short a time. How can we sleep this time away?"
"We can be quiet together, and pretend - since it is only thebeginning - that we have all the time in the world.""And every day we shall have less. And then none."
"Would you rather, therefore, have had nothing at all?"
"No. This is where I have always been coming to. Since my time began.And when I go away from here,this will be the mid-point, to which everything ran, before, and fromwhich everything will run. But now, my love,we are here, we are now, and those other times are running elsewhere."
a.s bryatt
Ten Things To Quicken the Heart
10) madeline cozad's voice
9) sunshine on bare legs
8) sensitive souls
7) Tab
6) twirling
5) meg ryan before the plastic surgery
4) sitting on a tire swing and eating bread and butter pickles
3) Juno soundtrack
2)"im not cool... i actually try really hard."
1) passing notes during class over the age of 16
and one more...
fireflies.
http://snoreandguzzle.com/?p=37 is amazing. there are literally thousands of things that quicken my heart. i head back to site tomorow and its a mixed bo'me bag of emotions, for a variety of reasons. a lot of things i used to trust in are in macromolecules in the air and i am unsure of my place right now.
but this too shall pass.
i love muppet earrings.
"Ah, how can we bear it?"
"Bear what?"
"This. For so short a time. How can we sleep this time away?"
"We can be quiet together, and pretend - since it is only thebeginning - that we have all the time in the world.""And every day we shall have less. And then none."
"Would you rather, therefore, have had nothing at all?"
"No. This is where I have always been coming to. Since my time began.And when I go away from here,this will be the mid-point, to which everything ran, before, and fromwhich everything will run. But now, my love,we are here, we are now, and those other times are running elsewhere."
a.s bryatt
Ten Things To Quicken the Heart
10) madeline cozad's voice
9) sunshine on bare legs
8) sensitive souls
7) Tab
6) twirling
5) meg ryan before the plastic surgery
4) sitting on a tire swing and eating bread and butter pickles
3) Juno soundtrack
2)"im not cool... i actually try really hard."
1) passing notes during class over the age of 16
and one more...
fireflies.
http://snoreandguzzle.com/?p=37 is amazing. there are literally thousands of things that quicken my heart. i head back to site tomorow and its a mixed bo'me bag of emotions, for a variety of reasons. a lot of things i used to trust in are in macromolecules in the air and i am unsure of my place right now.
but this too shall pass.
i love muppet earrings.
Friday, March 28, 2008
One more night, that was a good one
This happens to be one of those eerily serene moments in the VRC where I am compluetely alone at the computer. Usually, there is a bustle of volunteer activity, sometimes intimidating with their confidence and capabilities in their various projects, sometimes hilarious with the banter of the people that I love with my whole heart and respect unconditionally. So far, keeping it together has been enough. But have I really kept it together? Only if you consider three emotional breakdowns in six days “keeping it together.” My job hit some high spots, mostly at one of my schools where I have been helping out in the second and 7th grade classrooms, and one of the teachers has been really receptive with my help teaching poetry, which clearly they cannot grasp poetry if they dotn understand the words that are the beauty of the poem. Most of the poetry is shit that has no relevance to their lives whatsoever, and is intentionally vague. But I see hope at that school. The other school… puts a weight on my soul that I never thought imaginable. I keep thinking I am not trying hard enough, not putting enough of myself into the job, the teachers or the kids. But I feel physically ill when I go to that school. It’s a combination of the misery of the kids, the lack of motivation from the teachers, and the fact that there are 250 kids crammed into one room so I have literally no place to sit down. One day last week, the secondary schools were taking tests, and I was told that my school was as well, so I went for a run with Sam and then went to town and got a text message from my principal sayings “Where are you?? I’ve to tell Clement that you do not show up regularly and come and go as you please.” Clement is my “boss” at peace corps, who has been nothing but supportive with my struggles with my principal, which have been immense. But, all of my insecurities about my capabilities of being effective in any way have been rampant for a long time, and so I actually believed that I could get in trouble. I feel like I try so hard in my head, that I make myself tired. I am sensitive to everything, and feel so much of the weight of what is around me that I am completely ineffective at actually being proactive. I feel like if I focused on one thing at a time instead of looking at the big picture and feeling lost in the middle of the ocean, I would get my feet back on the ground. I used to have this picture of two massive orca whales in the middle of the ocean hanging above my bed (yes… in high school) and it always terrified me. Not because I am typically afraid of marine life, but because behind them is this giant void. I am terrified of being in the middle of the unknown. And right now I am so far in the middle of the unknown that I am losing myself. I find validation wherever I can get it. Sam, Rebecca, Lindsey, Tarsha, Madeline and I all drove down to Cape Twon last week for a much needed vacation. But instead of feeling the solace and rest that I so craved, I had two emotional breakdowns. I live in a country where my biggest splurge during the week is a Fanta, and where my choices of cereal are corn flakes or the bigger box of corn flakes. And its life. I love it. I love living in Thaba Tseka with my whole heart and soul. But then entering the world I took for granted with an entire row of cereals, a coffee shop on each corner, and white people galore, it was too much stimulation. It was too much to take. We did an amazing wine tour during the day where I just felt ridiculous the whole time. I couldn’t let myself enjoy it without feeling guilty for my gluttonous behavior. That night we went to a Cuban restaurant and sat around and as I looked at the people surrounding me, I realized how completely in love I am with each one of them. I would never have the opportunity to spend time with such a diverse and strong willed group of people back in the states. But in Lesotho, it works. And I was thrilled to see how it worked outside of our comfort zones. But that night, I was just overwhelled with nostalgia for the past, longing for nights out at bars dancing and people watching, and feeding my vanity. Feeding my vanity. I constantly repeat this concept to myself because its something I realize I thrive on. I need validation for my self worth. I need to know how much I mean to people. I need to feel. Tarsha Veiga is my rock. She calms my soul. One of the reasons I tend not to drink is because I completely lose control. And I am typically very astute of keeping my feelings under wraps, and my reactions to myself, and putting on a façade of whatever or whoever I need to be. But when I drink, the emotions of my soul are exposed for the unfortunate friend whose shoulder I drench in tears. Saturday night it was Madeline, who has the soul of a wise and beautiful angel. Her voice is as comforting as wrapping yourself in a down comforter and sitting beside the fire during winter. And then, I begged her to leave because I hate putting the burden of my ridiculous outbursts on others, I feel like such a weight. Sam came in shortly afterwards and I sobbed on his newly pressed shirt and expressed how weak I am. I don’t know how are where I am ever going to get the strength that I think I need to thrive. Sam’s girlfriend is coming next week and staying for three weeks and that puts a whole in a part of my heart. He and Rebecca are my rocks who I depend on to get me through the week. Instead of hiding in Sam’s house I am actually going to have to throw myself into the work that I have been so clearly avoiding. I have been shaking all day and am an absolutle train wreck. I let stress for the unknown inhabit my body, and don’t know how to breathe anymore. I know that all these struggles are making me a more complete person, but tell that to my shaking hands.
Anyways.
Sorry for the melodrama. Cape Town was incredible. It was the most beautiful city in the world and I fell deeply in love with my five travelling companions. We lost a hubcap on our rental car, got a speeding ticket, realized that 50% of our conversations are reciting of inside jokes, and laughed and laughed and ate until I couldn’t tell the difference between bliss and earthly living.
It was that beautiful.I am now in more training in Maseru and it has been incredible to see and hear from people I haven’t had contact with in two months and listen to their triumphs and their struggles, and reignite the solidarity that is so present. Yesterday at our Primary Resource Teacher reconnect, I had my third emotional breakdown but I felt completely safe in the eyes of the others. They didn’t judge me, they empathized and understood. And it was the best feeling.
So, yes there have been ups and downs. Sorry for only relaying the downs. I am living with a passion and fire burning in my soul, I just don’t know quite how to direct it before it loses its flame.
I will write more when surrounded by people who can spur me on to tell the numerous funny stories that I am withholding.
Anyways.
Sorry for the melodrama. Cape Town was incredible. It was the most beautiful city in the world and I fell deeply in love with my five travelling companions. We lost a hubcap on our rental car, got a speeding ticket, realized that 50% of our conversations are reciting of inside jokes, and laughed and laughed and ate until I couldn’t tell the difference between bliss and earthly living.
It was that beautiful.I am now in more training in Maseru and it has been incredible to see and hear from people I haven’t had contact with in two months and listen to their triumphs and their struggles, and reignite the solidarity that is so present. Yesterday at our Primary Resource Teacher reconnect, I had my third emotional breakdown but I felt completely safe in the eyes of the others. They didn’t judge me, they empathized and understood. And it was the best feeling.
So, yes there have been ups and downs. Sorry for only relaying the downs. I am living with a passion and fire burning in my soul, I just don’t know quite how to direct it before it loses its flame.
I will write more when surrounded by people who can spur me on to tell the numerous funny stories that I am withholding.
Monday, February 11, 2008
December 1, 2007
Chapter 1: Land of LeatherHoly smokes. I need to decrease my heart rate. Its been one week ofliving in the village, and we hav been in the city for 2 hours and ifeel like my pulse has gon through a blender and then multiplied by 2million. Speaking of two million, there are approximatly that numberof people lined up outside of the bank right now because it is thefirst of the month... payday suckas. Although i have no idea wheretheir incomes are from considering the number one economy ismarijuanna. no kidding. and water.Its about 82 degrees outside and ive counted 37 people this morningwearng leather jackets and ski caps. We have changed the nationalanthem to "Lesotho... land of ski caps and leather jackets" (it soundsa lot better with a collection of sopranos)Chapter 2: Meet the Shalley'sI never realized what a sissy baby I am until i had to cut theunbilical chord of my surrogate Basotho mother (M'e Mamothe... a largeand voluptuous Basotho dream/peace corps language trainer who coddlesme in her mountains) as she handed me off to my new family. Holy s.They handed me 8 buckets (as you will find out later come in VERYHANDY but not for the reasons expected), gave me a new name (Ausi MphoShalley... ausi means sister, mpho means Gift. Another volunteer wasgiven the name Dimpho... "many gifts" she is my enemy.) Anyways soafter watching a extravaganza of 16 half naked 12 year olds wearingonly a grass skirt and bottle caps dance for an hour... they took meto my new home. My dad worked in south africa in the mines until 1987when he was injured and he has a prosthetic leg now, and just kindawalks around all day. my mom doesnt speak a word of english, and cutstrees...sometimes. vague. i have like 7 brothers and cousins and theirnames are longer then the roman empire.Chapter 3: AztecapalooozaI live in a round hut with a thatch roof. It is heaven. It is the
coolest thing i have ever seen. I have no electiricty or runningwater, but i have never been happier. Everything is so functional. Ihave a gas burning stove and a parafin lamp and a table. The familycooked for me all last week, after the Peace Corps gave them a"suggested menu" of crap like beans and mayonaise. And boiled eggs.Chapter 4: This All sounded a lot better in my headSome quick stories... my sister is a 24 year old sassypot who has twoboyfriends, both who work at the Shopright... on works in the morningand one in the evening. Sly. Anyways, she lets me read her textmessages and one of them was "Luv, tke me 2 luvland, pop 2.. me+ u.swt drmz" Most of them she has no clue what they mean, but she hasbeen letting me text him and man, is it fun to come up with 700 waysto say "will u b my #1 boo?"Women and men are NOT friends here in our lovely country. I am in thevillage with 11 volulnteers, ten girls one guy. The other night Benand i went for an a-d-v-en-t-u-r-e to see his "foxy love interest"after dark.. (walking after dark, a huge no no) and got back about 10,which is about 2 oclock in the morning to basotho. when i was at thepayphone yesterday, the man, who i had never seen before looked at mevery seriously and said in perfect english "Ausi Mpho. It is notappropriate for you and Abuti Ben to be walking around at night. I sawyou."Moral of the story, these people know EVERYTHING that we do. We arenot to conspicous... (being white and all) and so if i forget to tiemy shoe, the chief will make a special announcement at the end of theday to tell everyone the name, make and model of said untied shoe.this may sound like an exaggeration. its not.Chapter 5: The Man and the MountainThere is an "initiation school" on top of the mountain where 18 yearold boys learn "secrets" and are circumsized. They told us if we go up
there we will be captured. So if you dont hear from me next week... Iwas feeling too adventurous.Chapter 6:Wrap uptop five facts for the week1) Basotho are OCD about cleaning. i have to sweep, mop, and wax myfloor 4 times a week.2) there are 19 children who have become my posse and they follow mearound everywhere and do handstands outside of my roundavel until icome out. and then they shout the months of the year at me.ehh, thats enough for nowI miss you all. GIve me updates about your lifedid i tell you there have been 2 hail storms this week??? its 80degrees ouside.LOVEausi mpho shalleyps kylie, will you send this to twongs? and i am still in shock overbo. thats sacreligious.
coolest thing i have ever seen. I have no electiricty or runningwater, but i have never been happier. Everything is so functional. Ihave a gas burning stove and a parafin lamp and a table. The familycooked for me all last week, after the Peace Corps gave them a"suggested menu" of crap like beans and mayonaise. And boiled eggs.Chapter 4: This All sounded a lot better in my headSome quick stories... my sister is a 24 year old sassypot who has twoboyfriends, both who work at the Shopright... on works in the morningand one in the evening. Sly. Anyways, she lets me read her textmessages and one of them was "Luv, tke me 2 luvland, pop 2.. me+ u.swt drmz" Most of them she has no clue what they mean, but she hasbeen letting me text him and man, is it fun to come up with 700 waysto say "will u b my #1 boo?"Women and men are NOT friends here in our lovely country. I am in thevillage with 11 volulnteers, ten girls one guy. The other night Benand i went for an a-d-v-en-t-u-r-e to see his "foxy love interest"after dark.. (walking after dark, a huge no no) and got back about 10,which is about 2 oclock in the morning to basotho. when i was at thepayphone yesterday, the man, who i had never seen before looked at mevery seriously and said in perfect english "Ausi Mpho. It is notappropriate for you and Abuti Ben to be walking around at night. I sawyou."Moral of the story, these people know EVERYTHING that we do. We arenot to conspicous... (being white and all) and so if i forget to tiemy shoe, the chief will make a special announcement at the end of theday to tell everyone the name, make and model of said untied shoe.this may sound like an exaggeration. its not.Chapter 5: The Man and the MountainThere is an "initiation school" on top of the mountain where 18 yearold boys learn "secrets" and are circumsized. They told us if we go up
there we will be captured. So if you dont hear from me next week... Iwas feeling too adventurous.Chapter 6:Wrap uptop five facts for the week1) Basotho are OCD about cleaning. i have to sweep, mop, and wax myfloor 4 times a week.2) there are 19 children who have become my posse and they follow mearound everywhere and do handstands outside of my roundavel until icome out. and then they shout the months of the year at me.ehh, thats enough for nowI miss you all. GIve me updates about your lifedid i tell you there have been 2 hail storms this week??? its 80degrees ouside.LOVEausi mpho shalleyps kylie, will you send this to twongs? and i am still in shock overbo. thats sacreligious.
WOO Maseru, very cold
Man, i used to think i would rue the day i began a blog. So impersonal, so lazy, so much ramble room. Not that i dont ramble in my emails anyways. But to share the ramblings to the world? A little vain, I daresay. But also, to deprive the world of the inner thoughts of one of its most loved creations?? A travesty. So here i am. A blogger. I might post the emails that I have been sending since November, but i might just start here. Who knows. Suspense is what keeps the bills paid, no? Well, what would I know about paying bills. Absolutely nothing. Im living in my first home ive ever known not to inhabit at least 3 beautiful, talented, life changing roomates (cough, cough, shoutout) and it is a round hut with a thatch roof. And it is mine. Its beautiful. I spent an entire day painting it blue, and then splatterpainting the walls. It looks like Figment and the magician got into a fight, and there is purple and blue blood splattered on the walls as remnants and evidence of their obvious animosity towards each other. My boss came over last week and told me it was "artistic." At least he didn't say autistic. (cite kk, page 3) I am in Maseru right now for a plethora of reasons, mostly for my sanity, which I dont really feel like i've had a grasp on since i've been here anyways, but its always nice to have that fact shoved in your face. My job is going... well, not so well. I have two schools that I am working at, and one of them is an old church hall cement building with a wall to split into two rooms, and 450 kids inhabiting the space. In one class, there is four seperate classes going on at the same time, one in each corner. In the other classroom, there are three seperate classes. The kids dont have desks, dont have rooms to breathe let alone move their elbows to raise their hands. My other school is a palace. Nicer than half the classrooms in America. Yet, there is no electricity, desks, lunchroom, library. What both schools have in common is a plethora of apathy. Maybe its just my American mindset that schools are a place to LEARN, to be productive, to socialize, but these schools are accomplishing none of the above. And when my job is to go into these schools and work with teachers trying to promote the aforementioned things, it makes my job a little difficult, borderline impossible to do, when the teachers have no interest in being at school. When they DO show up, they go through the motions, sometimes not even bothering themselves to do that. One of my teachers wants to be a soldier, but failed his entrance exam 3 times. The entrance exam has math and history questions... did I mention he is a teacher. And he asked me for career advice. Since I was not feeling entirely obliging, or had any remnance of the social filters I try to maintain, I told him that he should not be alowed around children considering his obvious apathy towards his job, and towards anything without semiautomatic in its name. Hopefully that didnt translate. But when Clement (peace corps staff, oversees the education sector) came to my site last week i had a nervous breakdown after seeing the children be kit over the knuckles repeatedly for doing something they had not been warned not to do. I am not going to get into corporal punishment here because i would like to keep the bran muffin in my stomach, but really. I cant stand it. I told my principal if she chooses to incorporate corporal punishment into her school, I would like to be warned so I can be absent on those days. They dont take me seriously. But, I digress. I am in Maseru today because I am spending a few days with another volunteer whose been here for a year doing this job, to see how she handles things. Is it just my job, the teachers, the schools that I cant handle, or a combination of the above. But its just nice to be in a city again, as much as I LOVE Thaba Tseka. Its nice not to have to stop every three seconds to explain who I am, where I am going, why I am white, why I will not give them candy or money, and why I dont carry around jobs for them in my back pocket. Yestderday when I got off the bus, wiped the drool and sweat off my shoulder, compliments of a lady and her 2 year old son, I was excited to fall back into the Maseru routine. But I find myself a little disoriented and lost without the peopple who I have been accustomed to surrounding me at all times in this city. And then to show up at the Peace Corps hostel to realize that yes, I am new, and still on the bottom wrung of the totum pole is a little disjointing. I abused to intestines out of the landline phone calling all of the people in my pledge class (i know, it makes people sick that i use the term plege class to refer to my group, but it makes sense, doesnt it??) to tell them that i cant wait to fall into the routine of seeing them in Maseru instead of the vague familiarity of Americans that I dont know, but have a common bond with.
My Thaba Tseka life is borderline wonderful. It it wasnt for my job... well, we can just hope that eaither it gets better, or my standards for "better" are drastically reduced. Sam and I were training for the half marathon in Cape Town easter weekend, but after realizing it took an hour and a half to run, and then about 7 hours to get the feeling back in our legs, we have reduced it to just running three hours a week to keep our sanity and our lungs in order. I go into town pretty much everyday to spend time with Sam and Rebecca, to decompress and eat cookie dough, and just to be in their presence. Ive realized that so much of my time here is reliant on them. I dont even like to enter the realm of my mind that sees the possibility of one of them elaving, or us being seperated. That would force me to completly reconstruct my comfort in this contry, and I would have to stand on my own two feet, which I am not ready for, and will avoid at all costs. I know, I am maturing before your very eyes. I just read Gone With the Wind for a second time with freshman year, and had a dream last night Rhett and I were at a Magic game, and I swooned at halfcourt after reading one of his text messages. Im assuming it was dirty.
We had our initial "theater in the roundavel" a few weeks ago, and tried to act out a Basotho play called "Hope Dube" that ended in a musical montage. You will see us on Broadway.
I wish I could do this every week. I wont have internet again for about two months, but I will have a letter, a spotty pen, and words pouring our of every cuticle. So write to me. The mailbox is about 45 minutes away from my house, but when I am walking to town, I can feel my soul immersed in the universal current of the mailsystem, and have an intuition of whether i have a beautiful recyclable piece of paper with my name on it in my little box. I have been right 6 out of 7 times.
Once again...
PO Box 93
Thaba Tseka
Lesotho
Southern Africa
I love and miss all of you.
Please contiue to send me email at gmail, and im sorry if this is so impersonal, but i will write you back through gmail.
My Thaba Tseka life is borderline wonderful. It it wasnt for my job... well, we can just hope that eaither it gets better, or my standards for "better" are drastically reduced. Sam and I were training for the half marathon in Cape Town easter weekend, but after realizing it took an hour and a half to run, and then about 7 hours to get the feeling back in our legs, we have reduced it to just running three hours a week to keep our sanity and our lungs in order. I go into town pretty much everyday to spend time with Sam and Rebecca, to decompress and eat cookie dough, and just to be in their presence. Ive realized that so much of my time here is reliant on them. I dont even like to enter the realm of my mind that sees the possibility of one of them elaving, or us being seperated. That would force me to completly reconstruct my comfort in this contry, and I would have to stand on my own two feet, which I am not ready for, and will avoid at all costs. I know, I am maturing before your very eyes. I just read Gone With the Wind for a second time with freshman year, and had a dream last night Rhett and I were at a Magic game, and I swooned at halfcourt after reading one of his text messages. Im assuming it was dirty.
We had our initial "theater in the roundavel" a few weeks ago, and tried to act out a Basotho play called "Hope Dube" that ended in a musical montage. You will see us on Broadway.
I wish I could do this every week. I wont have internet again for about two months, but I will have a letter, a spotty pen, and words pouring our of every cuticle. So write to me. The mailbox is about 45 minutes away from my house, but when I am walking to town, I can feel my soul immersed in the universal current of the mailsystem, and have an intuition of whether i have a beautiful recyclable piece of paper with my name on it in my little box. I have been right 6 out of 7 times.
Once again...
PO Box 93
Thaba Tseka
Lesotho
Southern Africa
I love and miss all of you.
Please contiue to send me email at gmail, and im sorry if this is so impersonal, but i will write you back through gmail.
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